Editorial Review:Product Description:Where is this thing called love? And how do you get there from here? For many it's an elusive goal that's over even before it has a chance to start -- but it doesn't have to be. In A FINE ROMANCE, nationally recognized psychologist Dr. Judith Sills shows how the whole agonizing and exhilarating process of love actually develops between two people -- and how the rules of successful courtship can be learned and mastered.
Dr. Sills covers all the skills you need to develop the right relationship in the areas of intimacy, compromise, and commitment. She also takes you step-by-step through the five stages of a relationship:
* SELECTION -- when you actively or passively choose a partner.
* SEDUCTION -- the dating days when you and your partner decide if the relationship is romantic, platonic, or dead.
* SWITCH -- that uncomfortable period when the pursuer backs off just as the partner responds.
* NEGOTIATION -- when you both acknowledge your differences and try to find a decent way to fight about them.
* COMMITMENT -- the negotiation to marriage.
There is no one right person. There is only your ability to give and receive love. This book will help lovers learn how to do just that.
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Customer Reviews
Average Rating:
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Exellent book for those looking for a healthy relationship.
I read it, enjoyed it, learned and got ready to get out of a destructive relationship and go in search of the love of my life. I found the love of my life four months later. This book I have recommended to my female friends. Read it carefully, mark it, highlight it, write notes about your thoughts, let the book provoke insight.
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Darla
I'm not big on the self-help book category and this is probably one of the only ones I've actually read. Well, it was worth it. It is insightful, clearly written with no "psycho-babble" and is the best relationship advice I've ever received. A friend recommended the book to me during a break-up - a friend who read it and has been happily married for the last 10 years. Thanks to this little book, I didn't fall apart during the break-up, had some amazing revelations in understanding my partner AND myself, and ended up getting back together with the person. I'm now happily married myself to that same person and I believe it was in great part thanks to the advice in this book that I was able to make it through relationship hurdles that both my partner and I created. It not only helps you better understand the person with whom you are having the relationship, but yourself as well. Everyone in a relationship, out of a relationship, or wanting a relationship should read this book.
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Highly Recommended
I just recently ended a seven year marriage. Having gotten married in my twenties, I have limited dating experience. At the age of 30, I am having to learn this all over again and a friend gave me this book to help me out. This was probably the best gift I could have gotten at this time in my life. I highly recommend this book.
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A Book Written Just for You; It Answers the Nagging, "Why?"
This relationship book is the best out there! I haven't read lots of relationship books, but I don't have to in order to know that I'm right. Woman or man, this book helps explain why we chose the partners we chose, why we expect the wrong things, why we expect the right things at the wrong times, what we do to push people away, and how to change so that our relationships work.
Dr. Sills' assessment of relationships and their phases are right on target, and her writing style is pure perfection--a mixture of get-on-to-yourself common sense and you're-not-alone reassurance. Her insights are uncanny. It's like she was in the living room, bedroom, car, bar, restaurant, etc. with you when either you or your partner said or did whatever you are now agonizing about. If you're a woman, Dr. Sills knows what you said when you stalked him after he didn't call. She knows why your cute voicemail message was a turn-off. If you're a man, Dr. Sills knows you snapped at her when she kept interrupting your football game to have a heart-to-heart talk. She knows why your girlfriends seem to become demanding and possessive just as you are losing interest in winning them. She not only pinpoints what you are feeling in each stage of a relationship, but also helps you understand what your partner is feeling.
I read this book when I started dating my first boyfriend. The relationship lasted for nine months. Although, things did not work out for us, the book helped me through Selection and Pursuit, including a phase called "The Switch," where the pursuer backs off and the pursued panics. My ex married his next girlfriend and credits me with helping him to build important relationship skills. Trust me, it was this book. Again with the book under my arm, I started dating my second boyfriend. I married him almost six years ago. I had the opportunity to thus apply the deeper relationship chapters in the second half of the book, which are also right on target. A friend of mine is almost 50, has never been married, and wondered why all his relationships fail. After he started a new relationship, I lent him my copy of this book. He is now two years into the relationship and engaged.
Don't start a new relationship without this book, particularly if you are a woman! When you get an urge to cry, overanalyze something he's said, or call him so you can feel closer, read the book instead of conveying a needy and demanding image that is not the real you. Once you are further along in your relationship and sure that you have one (Dr. Sills defines it), share the book and its tips with your partner, too. Regardless of your sex, age, or previous marital status, this book feels like it was written for you and about you. At each stage of your relationship, there will be hurdles. It answers the question, "Why?"--most helpful since your partner can't or won't answer this question for you. Better still, the book helps you change your own way of thinking so that the relationship mistakes aren't perpetuated by your own behavior and so that you can help your partner come to terms with his or her own fears of commitment and closeness. Buy several copies! Make it your ritual to read it, mark it up, then throw it out if you break up. You'll feel a sense of renewal when you initiate a new copy. You may even find one or two copies are all you need;) Happy reading and good luck!
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Almost everything
This book has almost everything for those (i.e., all of us from time to time) who run amok in the uncertainty and anxiety of romance. Some who write on this subject merely employ sweeping generalizations which they beat into the ground throughout their book. Dr. Sills is a great writer who analyzes the complex world of romance. She makes it easy to understand how our drives and emotions can rush us into poor decisions. She fails to touch on one subject that many people find important in romance--spirituality. "Fine Romance..." is nonetheless the pre-eminent book on the subject.
